So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
