i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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