it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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