You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
