Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
