From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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