When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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