y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
