Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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