If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My ATM looks so different sober.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
