Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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