Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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