Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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