dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
