So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As shirtless as possible
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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