"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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