he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
