I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
