call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
should my penis look like a turkey
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then my night got REAL pukey
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
