my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
