I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
