I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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