Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
