So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
