My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
