I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
