I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
