1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
