I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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