We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
