Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize