she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
