I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
