I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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