is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize