never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize