I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
