we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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