the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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