i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
