I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
