why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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