Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
