thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They have beer where we have blood.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize