watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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