um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
