A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
