i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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