Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
