what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
