If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
