You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize