I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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