Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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