I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
