so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
