September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
