The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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