thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
