Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize