hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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