i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're too hungover to prance.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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