i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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