No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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